4 Ways to Stay Focused

Dear Self (or anyone else who struggles to stay focused),

I know how much you love correction so I'll try to go easy on you...um, me. 

First of all, I'm not saying anything is wrong with painting cabinets, redoing furniture, sewing keychains, growing plants from seed, learning the Curly Girl Method, or any of the other endeavors you've taken on lately. 

However, I think it's time we had a little talk. I don't want you to miss out on some really great things in life because of well, ALL the things you're busy doing.

Ready to listen? Ok, good. Have a seat and grab a pen.

I'll give you 4 tips to start you on your newly focused journey.

#1. THINK BACKWARDS TO FORM A VISION

To get on the right path, think about where you want to end up. 

Think to the end of your life, well, here on Earth. I know this is a buzzkill and all but at your funeral what do you want people to say about you? 

"Wow, she had some awesome cabinets!"

"It was so nice to have known someone with strong biceps."

"Did you see how good her hair looked?!"

Ok, stop rolling your eyes. I know those things are obviously not bad, but they just don't sound as important when viewed from a different perspective.

I could probably guess your goals since I'm, well, you, but just so you're clear on your priorities, try this.

WRITE DOWN THE TOP THINGS YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH BY THE END OF YOUR LIFE. 

Keep it very broad. Try to narrow it down to your Faith, relationships, and personal desires. 

Pray for God to give you a vision of the good things He has planned for your life. 

1 Corinthians 2:9-10 " No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him." But God has revealed it to us by the Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.

(And I know you so I'm telling you now: Don't question it. God hasn't forgotten to plan good things for you.)

#2. NARROW IN ON NECESSITIES

After you've decided on your big goals, evaluate ALL the other things that need to get done. 

Think of your big goals as the main course, the "meat and potatoes", the milk and bread before an Alabama "snowstorm". They are your carbs, protein, fat, and water. Essential to survival. But what about those fruits and veggies that add flavor, sweetness, and essential nutrients? Those definitely deserve a spot in the diet. 

What are your NECESSARY to-do's?

School drop-offs, house chores, bills, service opportunities, 

All of these things add benefit and make life flow better, just like fruits and veggies (literally, right?). Yes, some necessities might be more enjoyable like an apple and some (ahem, laundry) are more like that raw piece of broccoli, but they all offer value.

But here's a very important tip. Listen close. Not every vegetable and fruit has to be eaten. And guess what? If you don't eat the perfect amount of fruits and vegetables, you will still survive. One week you might rock out on your fruits and veggies, the next week life gets in the way and you can only do what you can do. Your body is made to withstand that, and so is your life! Some seasons are busier than others or require more of your emotional energy. It is ok for things to just get done, even if not perfectly.

The house can be messy and still be functional. 

The dinner one night can be peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and the kids will be fine.

You can serve in children's ministry at church but you don't have to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. 

Exercise doesn't have to be 30 minutes, 5 times a week. It can look like 10 minutes of weights while your kids are in the bath and stretching while you watch T.V. 

There are some non-negotiables, but not everything is.

So eat your fruits and veggies, but no need to become OCD about it. M'kay? 

Now, let's talk about the fun stuff. (This is where it gets a little tricky.)

#3.  CHOOSE YOUR BONUSES WISELY

The main course takes primary importance. Then get in your fruits and veggies. Next, have some fun! 

God made flavor and sweetness so that we not only eat to survive but actually enjoy it. Dessert is our bonus gift. Sure, it isn't necessary for survival but it definitely makes life more enjoyable. Does it directly add value to your body? Well, not really. But does it bring people together and create joy? ABSOLUTELY.

Mixed into our life goals and duties, we need time for things that bring us joy, excitement, and refreshment so we can keep going. We need "dessert". Yes, I said "need". 

However (there's always a "however" isn't there?), just like Mama always said, you don't want dessert to spoil your dinner. Dessert is a compliment to the main course.

Could you eat dessert all the time? 

Sure, but remember, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Your bonus activities in life are to be the supporting actors, not take center stage. 

Do you remember that slight obsession you had with getting your natural hair to be curlier (see the picture above if you forgot)? Of course, you are allowed to take time to recharge and have passions, but if they overcrowd your more important goals and desires, it's time to question them. 

Think of one of your big life goals. I know one of yours is to love your people well.  View a bonus activity through this lens. 

Does this activity provide value to you? Does it contribute to your big life goals? 

For example, exercising takes some time away from your necessities and goals but does it compliment them? Sure! It improves how you feel and could help you have more time with your people in the long run. This is a "dessert" worth eating.

Look at another example like reading a blog on home design. It might not necessarily produce something tangible, but does it provide you rest and inspiration? Then it's a worthy activity. Rest is just as important of a value as any other.

The key is learning to decipher what is valuable to you.

 If something takes your time, energy, and attention away from your big life goals AND it's not bringing much value, it's time to pause. 

Evaluate this "dessert" carefully. 

Is spending 10 hrs on a hand-made Halloween costume for your daughter bringing you or HER joy or refreshment? Does it fit into an overall goal you want to accomplish in your parenting? 

Listen, there is NOTHING wrong if it does bring value to you or your people! But just examine if it does.

Is it the warm brownie with ice cream or just the licorice from your kid's leftover Halloween candy? 

Remember, just because someone else loves licorice, or it makes a comeback and everyone's raving about it (hey, crazier things have happened) that doesn't mean you have to eat it. 

Choose your dessert wisely. 

When you find yourself eating a subpar dessert that you don't even like, ask why.

What is it that you need at the time? Refreshment, inspiration, joy, connection? 

Is what you're putting your time into accomplishing that goal?

Are you saying yes out of guilt or think it will bring you purpose or worthiness? 

Are you numbing out because you're avoiding something hard?

Are you afraid of taking a risk on something else you really want to do?

Dear self, I know this is hard work, but stay with me. 

#4 SET BOUNDARIES

Remember your top goals, necessities, and your worthy extras.

Ok, now remember when you were on YouTube too late last night watching videos for how women over 35 should put on concealer? Not that it wasn't riveting information, but sometimes the interweb with all the recipes and crafts and tips and inspiration and heartache is JUST TOO MUCH. 

You still, at this point, have the ability to control what you see and when you see it.  

Inspiration is good but so is silence. 

It can be really hard to stay on your own path when you're seeing the highlight reels of someone else's journey. 

If Pinterest makes you feel pressured to be an expert cookie decorator during Christmas, remember that your kids do not need fancy to have a memorable holiday.

If Instagram makes you think you need to paint all your furniture white, then black, then whatever the next color is, stop following so many home gurus. 

If Facebook causes you to worry too much about the world, shut it off. We weren't meant to know so much about so many in so little time. 

It's hard to focus on your and your people when you're bombarded with the successes, opinions, and woes of the world. 

Sweet self, it's easy for me to boss you around, but I know there's more that goes into all of this. I know sometimes you're exhausted and stressed. Netflix, social media, or whatever it is can seem really promising. And to an extent, it can be good. But know your limits. 

I say all this because I know that God didn't equip you with His Spirit to be timid. He allowed His son to die on the cross so that you could have access to His Spirit and be POWERFUL, LOVING, and SELF-DISCIPLINED. (2 Timothy 1:7). He wants good for you. 

Do you believe that you are worthy of the good He has in store for you?

Do you believe that He has equipped you?

This is hard stuff, but you were made to handle hard.

Keep going!